I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
