Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My breasts were aching with rage.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
