Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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