it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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