I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
