I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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