we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
too bad you live with your parents still
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
