I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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