So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
