Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
handjob tips. give me some.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
