I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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