I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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