where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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