Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There r osticjed everywhere
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
