Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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