Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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