im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
