Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We were destined to go to rehab together
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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