No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
