mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
