Moan for me like Helen Keller
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize