Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
