mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
