You're a womanizer and a bitch.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
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