Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
