sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
