i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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