The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
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