I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
