I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Randomize
