if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
