i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
