Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
