while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
ttyl tear gas
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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