I think im going to throw up on grandma
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
