the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
