K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Mom said you looked used
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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