we're blogging at a bar
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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