and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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