The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
