I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
