I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
