This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize