bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
