Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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