She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
