I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
no, he came in my armpit
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
