I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
