yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
