Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
