Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
