i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
