barbara walters just said penis...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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