Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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