how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
