Can i not drive my cunt home
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
