I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
