I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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