The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Every concussion has its silver lining
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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