once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
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