i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wish you could order shots online.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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