a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
