YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
