ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
