I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
