Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
