Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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