Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
