So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
