So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
my liver is dry heaving
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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