Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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