i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Too much gin, very little bucket
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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