eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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