literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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