Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
