The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize