Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
