ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
