Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
