At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
there was a trapeze. enough said
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
