Already got asked if we're dating
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
