I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
