Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
