it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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