so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
