I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
