His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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