sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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