Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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