She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
