they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I skipped work to stalk him.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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