i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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