me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
