Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
