worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
