im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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